not to quote the bible or anything, but love is patient, love is kind...

today i'm going to write about something that i've been dwelling on since the last time i posted. there are a few people that i am definitely going to offend with this one, but you know what? oh fucking well. if you don't like what i have to say, don't read it. yaherd?

something that really, really irks me about couples is how dependent they get on each other. i mean, i'm pretty dependent in a relationship... but never to the point that i would blow off my entire life and great opportunities to be with that person. i mean, yeah, i've done that in the past, because i was a really stupid teenager. but i've grown and i've learned.

let me try to make this a little more clear by using an example. a couple that i know are both heavily into theater. i overheard a conversation between the two of them and a third person that really just made me shake my head. he mentioned how he almost went to broadway. had an agent and everything. and his girlfriend added, "he decided to stay and be in love with me instead."

really? i mean, it's cute and all. but really? you're going to let your significant other hold you back from taking a great opportunity? that's just ridiculous. it doesn't matter how much you love someone. you should absolutely never let them hold you back from anything. if they really love you, they won't hold you back. in fact, if they really, really loved you, they would encourage you to follow your dream.

maybe i'm just a heartless bitch. maybe i just don't understand. but i mean, if andrew decided he wanted to travel across the country on a whim because he wanted to take a picture of himself in front of every national monument, even if he wanted to travel across the world to do it, even if it wasn't his life dream, even if it was just something he wanted to do for the hell of it, i'd fully support him in that decision. hell, if i could, i'd go with him. it would be entirely unfair of me to say, "no, you can't do that because you have to stay here in east bumblefuck new jersey and be in love with me." fuck that.

you can be in love with each other anywhere, doing anything. love has no barriers. love should never hold you back. love is positive, not negative. it is encouraging, not withholding. all you folks that think you can't do something you really love because the person you love doesn't want you to do it, you're in love with the wrong person.

that is all.

cleanup on aisle three

first off, please allow me to apologize profusely for being a slacker on here. my personal life has been surprisingly busy lately (read: i've been chasing around 20 kids every day for the past two weeks for two dollars an hour). i've also been having a bit of writer's block. but now i have a topic, and you'll probably all hate me for it because i'm a cold-hearted bitch. but i need to get this out.

here's something i may never understand. trauma. people getting so upset about something that it literally scars them for life. people who can't move on. people freaking out if you try to joke about something because something bad happened 20 years ago that they just can't get over. i never understood that. i mean, really? you can't get over it? i don't get it.

the most prominent type of trauma seems to be sexual trauma, since sex is everyone's favorite. say when you were younger, you were forced to do things you didn't want to do, or didn't understand, etc. so... twenty, thirty years later, and you still can't have sex without freaking out or getting drunk first? you're so uptight that you let that bother you for the rest of your life? why? that part of your life is over, wayyyy wayyyy over. it happened, you can't change it. you move on.

for example. my mother. my mother has issues surrounding sex. i don't know the exact situation. but if i ever try to talk to her about sex, she freaks out. she's my mother, i should be able to talk to her about these types of things. she should feel comfortable educating me. (in all honesty, she's the one who needs to be educated, but that's for another time.) but she assumes that because she has issues, i must have them too. well, i fucking don't. sorry to inform you.

now, let's move on to physical issues. injuries and the like. so you fell out of a tree and broke your leg. does that mean you're never going to climb a tree again? it shouldn't. i got hit by a car three years ago. it doesn't mean i'm afraid to cross the street.

i hate to sound like a heartless asshole here, but this is just something i absolutely don't understand. i really can't perceive the idea of not being able to move on. i mean, really. shit happens. you can't change the past. put it behind you and trudge forward. don't let your past experiences hold you back from new ones. just because something was bad once doesn't mean it will be again. you just gotta keep moving. water under the bridge.

i hope you guys don't hate me for this. have a good evening.

no.

i'm not going to blog about the deaths of farrah fawcett, ed mcmahon, or michael jackson. it's just not happening.

sorry to disappoint.

the three COMs, and no, communism isn't one of them

top o' the mornin' to ya. in my current life, i am frustrated with the fact that my sims keeps crashing for no apparent reason. i've gone through all of my downloads and none of my files are corrupted. the game is just balls. and i really don't feel like uninstalling and reinstalling it again. you have no idea how many times i've had to do that on my old computer.

but that's not what i'm here to talk about today. i want to talk about relationships, and what, in my mind, makes them successful. happiness? well, duh, everyone says that's what's most important. but happiness doesn't just come with a relationship. you have to work for it. the information i am about to bestow upon you has been my personal belief on how to make relationships work, and also why all of my previous relationships have failed. confused? you won't be. just keep reading.


readers, i give you: the three COMs.

COM one: commitment. honestly, this should be pretty obvious. you cannot have a successful relationship if you or your partner are going to cheat. it just doesn't work that way. i mean, if you're going to cheat on someone, why bother even being with them? now i can understand like, a slip-up. getting too drunk, not thinking, giving into temptation. a one-time thing isn't something to worry about, and you should probably just blow it off and never mention it to your partner. yes, silence is golden. however, if you're just going to sleep around, there is no point in being in a relationship. not only that, but that is incredibly unfair to your partner to just string them along while you're out having the time of your life without them. not to mention sloppy seconds. gross.

what does it take to be committed? well, honestly, not much. first of all, stay faithful. no cheating. second, be as honest with each other as possible. it's okay to tell your partner that you have sexual fantasies about someone else, so long as you don't actually act on said fantasies. and if you are open and honest with your partner, they will be able to trust you. and vice versa. it's really not that difficult.

my personal experience with commitment issues is as follows. i dated a guy, let's call him B, for a year. he had once explained to me the easiest way to know if someone's cheating on you. he told me that when someone cheats, they realize how easy it is. then they start getting insecure, thinking, "well if i got away with it so easy, how do i know ____ isn't doing it too?" then they go ahead and accuse their partner of cheating. it's that simple.

funny story. about six or seven months into the relationship, things start to get a little shaky. he starts going out later and later. goes to parties without me, saying that it's just a guy thing and i wont' have any fun. doesn't answer my calls and texts for hours while he's out, and then gets back to me at 4am saying he "left his phone in his car," or "had bad reception." and then? he accuses me of cheating. could he have possibly made it any more obvious?

we eventually broke up because he said he didn't want to be in a relationship at this point in his life, but that when he's ready to be in one again he wants to get back together with me. and what has he been doing since we've broken up? sleeping around. being a player. a womanizer. and still trying to sleep with me. yep. pretty obvious he has commitment issues.

COM two: compromise. a lot of people seriously overlook compromise, which is why i find it important to showcase it here. compromise is absolutely essential to a happy, successful relationship. i mean, seriously. how happy are you in a relationship where one person always wears the pants? do you like letting the other person make all the decisions? do you like being whipped? of course not. who actually, truly, deep down enjoys it? even if you think you do, you don't. you're just brainwashed to believe that you do. and i'm going to smack you in the head for that one.

what exactly don't you understand about compromise? it's not a difficult thing to do. if the two of you are going on a date and trying to decide where, don't let one person decide. talk it over and make the decision together. if you can't come to an agreement, you do it this way. you choose one of your ideas for tonight, and do the other one next time. same goes with paying for a date. i know a lot of guys like to be in control and pay for everything because it makes them feel like men. but the ladies like to pay to establish their independence. take turns paying for dates, or split the bill.

i dated a guy once that had difficulty with compromise. we'll call him D. D and i had issues regarding religion, ie: he was religious and i am definitey not. D was always trying to get me to believe what he believed, pretty much trying to force it upon me. he actually made me go to church with him a few times. the last time i went, the pastor said some things to me i found very offensive. i never went again. this really upset D. he just couldn't seem to get past the fact that my beliefs were different than his. my personal viewpoint on the matter is "to each his own, believe what you want to believe and leave me out of it," but his is more along the lines of "what i believe is the only right way." he just couldn't handle letting me believe what i wanted. needless to say, the inability to compromise was the issue here, and we ended up splitting.

COM three: communication. this is the biggest, most important one of all, which is why i saved it for last. you cannot have a relationship without communication. it's just not possible. how can you expect to really know what the other person wants, needs, or feels without talking to them, or more importantly, without listening to them? you can't.

communication is one of the biggest issues most people have in relationships. a lot of people simply don't know how to do it, or are afraid to. opening up and communicating means letting your guard down. it's tough, but if you want things to work, you're gonna have to do it. but you have to remember, constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating. (thanks eternal sunshine for that line.) you communicate through not only words, but actions, your senses, and body language.

body language is my personal favorite method of communication. your body language communicates to people before you even meet them. it can be what draws someone to you, or what pushes them away. if your body language reads confident, you are going to get attention. if your body says, "stay away from me," or "i'm too shy," most people won't give you the time of day.

in relationships, showing shyness, lack of confidence, and vulnerability in body language is definitely going to cause problems. those things are walls you build to shut others out, and when you don't let someone in, you can't get close to that person. being in a serious relationship requires a certain level of closeness to work. i mean, if you're not close with someone, can you ever love them? my answer is no.

listening is also another extremely important part of communication. if you don't pay attention to what your partner is telling you, whether it be verbal or physical, you'll never really get to know them, and therefore will also never get close to them. this pretty much goes for lack of any form of communication. you don't communicate, you can't get close to someone, and your relationship is an empty shell.

for this particular section, i asked my cousin, mary, about how she thought people in relationships communicate. this is what she had to say:

[they communicate] through touching. like, when you're dating, the way he holds your hand or the way he kisses you can show you what he's really thinking. if he smiles and it shows in his eyes, he's really happy. he'll squeeze your hand, too. she'll wrinkle her nose. smiles really show everything, too. you can tell a fake smile (like a posed one) from a sincere one. every time before chris leaves, we'll be kissing, he'll say good night and walk away and then turn around real quick to kiss me again and we're both smiling. it's adorable and though i know it's coming, it always takes me by surprise.

this last relationshit in my repertoire was by far the most difficult one i've ever had to endure. we'll call him R. R had a whole different set of issues. he was literally insane. i'm talking split personalities and such. one of his problems was that he was extremely addicted to xanax and a raging alcoholic. so that was fun.

his problem with relationships is that he could only let his guard down while he was drunk. so whenever he drank, he would really really talk to me, and really let me in. he would tell me about his past relationships and why they failed, he would tell me how he really wanted ours to work, and sometimes he would even bust out the L word. i'm not really a fan of the L word if you've been dating for a short period of time, so i wouldn't honor that with a response, but i told him why. he understood. and for a few minutes i would think everything was fine.

but when he was sober he was a completely different person. if he was actually awake, he rarely spoke to me, and when he did, it was never friendly. he was downright mean most of the time. when i could tell he was feeling down, i'd try to get him to open up to me and he would shut me out further. it got to the point where i knew there was absolutely nothing i could do.

one day i walked out of his front door, and just as i was leaving, i told him, "i don't think i'm coming back." that was the shortest and most difficult relationship of my life.


this particular post was incredibly easy for me to write. i decided that the three COMs were the most important elements of a relationship a long time ago, and to this day they have proven time and time again to be true.

but what about trust? you ask. well, what about it? think about this for a second. if you have all three of these things covered, there should be absolutely no reason why you can't trust your partner, right? trust is incredibly important in a relationship, but can you really trust someone if they're not committed to you? can you really trust someone who tries to control everything that happens in your relationship? and most important, can you really, honestly, truly trust someone who doesn't open up to you, or someone you can't open up to? the answer? absolutely not. so you see, without the three COMs, there is no trust, there is no closeness, and there is no love.

that's all i have for you today. actually, i'd say this is a pretty long post. i hope you gained something from what i had to say this afternoon.

until next time.

battling the green-eyed demon

hello there, lovelies. my apologies for slacking these past few days. i wanted to make sure that the next time i wrote was actually worth reading. i'm not gonna write about meaningless crap.

today's post is about something we all know well. jealousy. jealousy is a BITCH. seriously. now, those of you who know me know that for the most part, i'm a confident, secure young woman. until it comes to other girls. girls that are prettier and/or skinnier than me make me incredibly insecure. maybe they aren't even prettier or skinnier than i am. but in my mind, they are, and i get nervous and shy and start nitpicking at everything that's wrong with me.

it's definitely not nearly as bad in terms of skinnier/prettier friends than it is skinnier/prettier strangers i'm being forced to spend time with. or people that aren't strangers but that i never talked to. those are the worst. especially if they happen to be the ex girlfriend of my current boyfriend.

laura's housewarming party was today. laura is one of my closest friends. she also happens to be very close with one of andrew's ex girlfriends. and andrew is still friends with all of his ex girlfriends. especially this one. he always speaks rather endearlingly of her. but you know, they were highschool sweethearts and whatnot. it's to be expected.

for the past week, i have been dreading laura's housewarming party though. because andrew's ex is "his type," really skinny, and really pale. i'm neither of those things. and of course, on top of that, she's fucking adorable. and a real sweetheart. it's really something i just can't compete with. so i've been dreading the party, terrified that he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off of her, or that she would start shamelessly flirting with him right in front of me and that i would freak out over it.

anticipation is the worst, isn't it? especially when said ex girlfriend is a few hours late to the party, and i'm anxiously twiddling my thumbs waiting for her to get there so i can see what happens.

thankfully, everything was fine. i of course imagined everything way worse than it turned out and didn't actually have to worry about anything at all, thankfully. i was definitely not looking forward to a "don't flirt with my boyfriend" confrontation. i'm really no good with confrontation.

that is all, my lovelies. sorry it's so short. i promise more interesting things are yet to come! farewell!

soulmate theory 101 - a study of kindred spirits and the like-minded

alright. so soulmates. what does the term "soulmates" mean to you exactly? for most people, when they hear the word "soulmates," they automatically think of romance. they think of someone they will fall in love with and spend the rest of eternity with.

perhaps they are right in some aspect, the eternity aspect. a "soulmate" means exactly that - a mate for your soul. but a "mate" is not necessarily a lover. "mate" is also a common term for friend, which leads me to believe that it is possible to have platonic soulmates as well as romantic ones.

if you have a soulmate, that person's soul is destined to meet up with you in every lifetime you have. which means, if you don't believe in reincarnation, you can't really believe in soulmates.

but does everyone have a soulmate? absolutely not. not everyone is spiritually mature enough to be deserving of a soulmate. some people just are not deep people, because their souls are still fresh and new to this world. your soul has to have a certain amount of karma in order to qualify for soulmate status, i think. i have no idea how to determine levels of karma, but your soul doesn't recieve a mate the second it's concieved. you have to earn it.

how do you earn a soulmate? on this, i am unsure. my idea is that over the span of several lifetimes, as a soul is developing, by chance, they slowly become soulmates with someone else. by this, i mean that say a person is just going about his or her business, and they make good friends with someone along the way. if those two people's souls just so happens to meet up in the next lifetime, they can tell, and they slowly start to develop a soulmate status.

but how does this happen? easy. souls often reincarnate into their own family for karmic reasons. so if these two people's families live near each other, which they probably do, since they met in the first place, they're very likely to meet again. it's quite simple, actually.

but can people have more than one soulmate? absolutely. here is what gets a lot of people on the topic of soulmates. not all soulmates are romantic. many of them are definitely only on a friendship level. but how do you know? have you ever just met someone and been overcome with an overwhelming feeling that you've known this person forever? have you ever just had a conversation with someone, and half of the time you could complete each other's sentences or not even need to finish them because you both knew exactly what you were saying? have you ever just looked at a person and known that they were going to be in your life forever?

those people are your soulmates. there are some people that may disappear from your life. and once you forget about them or think they're gone for good, you magically run into them unexpectedly and pick up where you left off, no questions asked. these people are your soulmates. these people are destined to meet you in every lifetime you have until you reach nirvana. these are the people you couldn't get rid of if you tried. i don't really know how else to explain it. you just know. it's a deeper kind of knowledge. it's a knowledge you can feel.

i might come back and revise this later, or i might not. i don't know how well it's written or if it makes any sense at all. it makes sense to me. i'll re-read it with a fresh head later on and we'll see. until then, farewell!

tea and cookies with claire o'reilly

i spent the day with claire today. i really enjoy my claire days. claire's the sort of person you can just sit down with and talk about anything and never get bored. our conversations are always very intense and mentally stimulating. conversations with claire always seem to uncover hidden epiphanies and creative insight.

one of my epiphanies today was just that. one of the reasons i feel like i'm in such a rut is because i don't spend enough time with mentally stimulating people. i feel like my creativity and inspiration have run dry, and it's been that way for a while. i need to have more insightful discussions like the ones we had today in order to spark my creativity back up and in order to continue mental growth.

that's definitely one of the reasons i'm still friends with brett. brett has two sides to him, being a gemini and all. one side of him is a superficial, frat boy, party animal, womanizer, asshole, BMOC. that's the side most people see. but a few of the lucky ones get to see the other side of him, the creative, insightful, philosophical side. he's an incredibly deep thinker and like claire, having conversations with him really makes you think outside the box. that is definitely the main reason why i still talk to him after all the crap he's put me through. we are like-minded and the like-minded must stick together.

although i don't get to spend a lot of time with any of them, i seem to attract these types. i have a handful of friends and acquaintances that when we do spend time together, we usually end up getting into deep philosophical conversations. afterwards, i always feel refreshed and reinspired. i always feel ready to take on a new project or finish one i've already started.

what i need to do is to make a point of spending more time with these kinds of people while i still have the chance.

sorry this one's a little shorter. that's all i really have to report. goodnight, world.