no.

i'm not going to blog about the deaths of farrah fawcett, ed mcmahon, or michael jackson. it's just not happening.

sorry to disappoint.

the three COMs, and no, communism isn't one of them

top o' the mornin' to ya. in my current life, i am frustrated with the fact that my sims keeps crashing for no apparent reason. i've gone through all of my downloads and none of my files are corrupted. the game is just balls. and i really don't feel like uninstalling and reinstalling it again. you have no idea how many times i've had to do that on my old computer.

but that's not what i'm here to talk about today. i want to talk about relationships, and what, in my mind, makes them successful. happiness? well, duh, everyone says that's what's most important. but happiness doesn't just come with a relationship. you have to work for it. the information i am about to bestow upon you has been my personal belief on how to make relationships work, and also why all of my previous relationships have failed. confused? you won't be. just keep reading.


readers, i give you: the three COMs.

COM one: commitment. honestly, this should be pretty obvious. you cannot have a successful relationship if you or your partner are going to cheat. it just doesn't work that way. i mean, if you're going to cheat on someone, why bother even being with them? now i can understand like, a slip-up. getting too drunk, not thinking, giving into temptation. a one-time thing isn't something to worry about, and you should probably just blow it off and never mention it to your partner. yes, silence is golden. however, if you're just going to sleep around, there is no point in being in a relationship. not only that, but that is incredibly unfair to your partner to just string them along while you're out having the time of your life without them. not to mention sloppy seconds. gross.

what does it take to be committed? well, honestly, not much. first of all, stay faithful. no cheating. second, be as honest with each other as possible. it's okay to tell your partner that you have sexual fantasies about someone else, so long as you don't actually act on said fantasies. and if you are open and honest with your partner, they will be able to trust you. and vice versa. it's really not that difficult.

my personal experience with commitment issues is as follows. i dated a guy, let's call him B, for a year. he had once explained to me the easiest way to know if someone's cheating on you. he told me that when someone cheats, they realize how easy it is. then they start getting insecure, thinking, "well if i got away with it so easy, how do i know ____ isn't doing it too?" then they go ahead and accuse their partner of cheating. it's that simple.

funny story. about six or seven months into the relationship, things start to get a little shaky. he starts going out later and later. goes to parties without me, saying that it's just a guy thing and i wont' have any fun. doesn't answer my calls and texts for hours while he's out, and then gets back to me at 4am saying he "left his phone in his car," or "had bad reception." and then? he accuses me of cheating. could he have possibly made it any more obvious?

we eventually broke up because he said he didn't want to be in a relationship at this point in his life, but that when he's ready to be in one again he wants to get back together with me. and what has he been doing since we've broken up? sleeping around. being a player. a womanizer. and still trying to sleep with me. yep. pretty obvious he has commitment issues.

COM two: compromise. a lot of people seriously overlook compromise, which is why i find it important to showcase it here. compromise is absolutely essential to a happy, successful relationship. i mean, seriously. how happy are you in a relationship where one person always wears the pants? do you like letting the other person make all the decisions? do you like being whipped? of course not. who actually, truly, deep down enjoys it? even if you think you do, you don't. you're just brainwashed to believe that you do. and i'm going to smack you in the head for that one.

what exactly don't you understand about compromise? it's not a difficult thing to do. if the two of you are going on a date and trying to decide where, don't let one person decide. talk it over and make the decision together. if you can't come to an agreement, you do it this way. you choose one of your ideas for tonight, and do the other one next time. same goes with paying for a date. i know a lot of guys like to be in control and pay for everything because it makes them feel like men. but the ladies like to pay to establish their independence. take turns paying for dates, or split the bill.

i dated a guy once that had difficulty with compromise. we'll call him D. D and i had issues regarding religion, ie: he was religious and i am definitey not. D was always trying to get me to believe what he believed, pretty much trying to force it upon me. he actually made me go to church with him a few times. the last time i went, the pastor said some things to me i found very offensive. i never went again. this really upset D. he just couldn't seem to get past the fact that my beliefs were different than his. my personal viewpoint on the matter is "to each his own, believe what you want to believe and leave me out of it," but his is more along the lines of "what i believe is the only right way." he just couldn't handle letting me believe what i wanted. needless to say, the inability to compromise was the issue here, and we ended up splitting.

COM three: communication. this is the biggest, most important one of all, which is why i saved it for last. you cannot have a relationship without communication. it's just not possible. how can you expect to really know what the other person wants, needs, or feels without talking to them, or more importantly, without listening to them? you can't.

communication is one of the biggest issues most people have in relationships. a lot of people simply don't know how to do it, or are afraid to. opening up and communicating means letting your guard down. it's tough, but if you want things to work, you're gonna have to do it. but you have to remember, constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating. (thanks eternal sunshine for that line.) you communicate through not only words, but actions, your senses, and body language.

body language is my personal favorite method of communication. your body language communicates to people before you even meet them. it can be what draws someone to you, or what pushes them away. if your body language reads confident, you are going to get attention. if your body says, "stay away from me," or "i'm too shy," most people won't give you the time of day.

in relationships, showing shyness, lack of confidence, and vulnerability in body language is definitely going to cause problems. those things are walls you build to shut others out, and when you don't let someone in, you can't get close to that person. being in a serious relationship requires a certain level of closeness to work. i mean, if you're not close with someone, can you ever love them? my answer is no.

listening is also another extremely important part of communication. if you don't pay attention to what your partner is telling you, whether it be verbal or physical, you'll never really get to know them, and therefore will also never get close to them. this pretty much goes for lack of any form of communication. you don't communicate, you can't get close to someone, and your relationship is an empty shell.

for this particular section, i asked my cousin, mary, about how she thought people in relationships communicate. this is what she had to say:

[they communicate] through touching. like, when you're dating, the way he holds your hand or the way he kisses you can show you what he's really thinking. if he smiles and it shows in his eyes, he's really happy. he'll squeeze your hand, too. she'll wrinkle her nose. smiles really show everything, too. you can tell a fake smile (like a posed one) from a sincere one. every time before chris leaves, we'll be kissing, he'll say good night and walk away and then turn around real quick to kiss me again and we're both smiling. it's adorable and though i know it's coming, it always takes me by surprise.

this last relationshit in my repertoire was by far the most difficult one i've ever had to endure. we'll call him R. R had a whole different set of issues. he was literally insane. i'm talking split personalities and such. one of his problems was that he was extremely addicted to xanax and a raging alcoholic. so that was fun.

his problem with relationships is that he could only let his guard down while he was drunk. so whenever he drank, he would really really talk to me, and really let me in. he would tell me about his past relationships and why they failed, he would tell me how he really wanted ours to work, and sometimes he would even bust out the L word. i'm not really a fan of the L word if you've been dating for a short period of time, so i wouldn't honor that with a response, but i told him why. he understood. and for a few minutes i would think everything was fine.

but when he was sober he was a completely different person. if he was actually awake, he rarely spoke to me, and when he did, it was never friendly. he was downright mean most of the time. when i could tell he was feeling down, i'd try to get him to open up to me and he would shut me out further. it got to the point where i knew there was absolutely nothing i could do.

one day i walked out of his front door, and just as i was leaving, i told him, "i don't think i'm coming back." that was the shortest and most difficult relationship of my life.


this particular post was incredibly easy for me to write. i decided that the three COMs were the most important elements of a relationship a long time ago, and to this day they have proven time and time again to be true.

but what about trust? you ask. well, what about it? think about this for a second. if you have all three of these things covered, there should be absolutely no reason why you can't trust your partner, right? trust is incredibly important in a relationship, but can you really trust someone if they're not committed to you? can you really trust someone who tries to control everything that happens in your relationship? and most important, can you really, honestly, truly trust someone who doesn't open up to you, or someone you can't open up to? the answer? absolutely not. so you see, without the three COMs, there is no trust, there is no closeness, and there is no love.

that's all i have for you today. actually, i'd say this is a pretty long post. i hope you gained something from what i had to say this afternoon.

until next time.

battling the green-eyed demon

hello there, lovelies. my apologies for slacking these past few days. i wanted to make sure that the next time i wrote was actually worth reading. i'm not gonna write about meaningless crap.

today's post is about something we all know well. jealousy. jealousy is a BITCH. seriously. now, those of you who know me know that for the most part, i'm a confident, secure young woman. until it comes to other girls. girls that are prettier and/or skinnier than me make me incredibly insecure. maybe they aren't even prettier or skinnier than i am. but in my mind, they are, and i get nervous and shy and start nitpicking at everything that's wrong with me.

it's definitely not nearly as bad in terms of skinnier/prettier friends than it is skinnier/prettier strangers i'm being forced to spend time with. or people that aren't strangers but that i never talked to. those are the worst. especially if they happen to be the ex girlfriend of my current boyfriend.

laura's housewarming party was today. laura is one of my closest friends. she also happens to be very close with one of andrew's ex girlfriends. and andrew is still friends with all of his ex girlfriends. especially this one. he always speaks rather endearlingly of her. but you know, they were highschool sweethearts and whatnot. it's to be expected.

for the past week, i have been dreading laura's housewarming party though. because andrew's ex is "his type," really skinny, and really pale. i'm neither of those things. and of course, on top of that, she's fucking adorable. and a real sweetheart. it's really something i just can't compete with. so i've been dreading the party, terrified that he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off of her, or that she would start shamelessly flirting with him right in front of me and that i would freak out over it.

anticipation is the worst, isn't it? especially when said ex girlfriend is a few hours late to the party, and i'm anxiously twiddling my thumbs waiting for her to get there so i can see what happens.

thankfully, everything was fine. i of course imagined everything way worse than it turned out and didn't actually have to worry about anything at all, thankfully. i was definitely not looking forward to a "don't flirt with my boyfriend" confrontation. i'm really no good with confrontation.

that is all, my lovelies. sorry it's so short. i promise more interesting things are yet to come! farewell!

soulmate theory 101 - a study of kindred spirits and the like-minded

alright. so soulmates. what does the term "soulmates" mean to you exactly? for most people, when they hear the word "soulmates," they automatically think of romance. they think of someone they will fall in love with and spend the rest of eternity with.

perhaps they are right in some aspect, the eternity aspect. a "soulmate" means exactly that - a mate for your soul. but a "mate" is not necessarily a lover. "mate" is also a common term for friend, which leads me to believe that it is possible to have platonic soulmates as well as romantic ones.

if you have a soulmate, that person's soul is destined to meet up with you in every lifetime you have. which means, if you don't believe in reincarnation, you can't really believe in soulmates.

but does everyone have a soulmate? absolutely not. not everyone is spiritually mature enough to be deserving of a soulmate. some people just are not deep people, because their souls are still fresh and new to this world. your soul has to have a certain amount of karma in order to qualify for soulmate status, i think. i have no idea how to determine levels of karma, but your soul doesn't recieve a mate the second it's concieved. you have to earn it.

how do you earn a soulmate? on this, i am unsure. my idea is that over the span of several lifetimes, as a soul is developing, by chance, they slowly become soulmates with someone else. by this, i mean that say a person is just going about his or her business, and they make good friends with someone along the way. if those two people's souls just so happens to meet up in the next lifetime, they can tell, and they slowly start to develop a soulmate status.

but how does this happen? easy. souls often reincarnate into their own family for karmic reasons. so if these two people's families live near each other, which they probably do, since they met in the first place, they're very likely to meet again. it's quite simple, actually.

but can people have more than one soulmate? absolutely. here is what gets a lot of people on the topic of soulmates. not all soulmates are romantic. many of them are definitely only on a friendship level. but how do you know? have you ever just met someone and been overcome with an overwhelming feeling that you've known this person forever? have you ever just had a conversation with someone, and half of the time you could complete each other's sentences or not even need to finish them because you both knew exactly what you were saying? have you ever just looked at a person and known that they were going to be in your life forever?

those people are your soulmates. there are some people that may disappear from your life. and once you forget about them or think they're gone for good, you magically run into them unexpectedly and pick up where you left off, no questions asked. these people are your soulmates. these people are destined to meet you in every lifetime you have until you reach nirvana. these are the people you couldn't get rid of if you tried. i don't really know how else to explain it. you just know. it's a deeper kind of knowledge. it's a knowledge you can feel.

i might come back and revise this later, or i might not. i don't know how well it's written or if it makes any sense at all. it makes sense to me. i'll re-read it with a fresh head later on and we'll see. until then, farewell!

tea and cookies with claire o'reilly

i spent the day with claire today. i really enjoy my claire days. claire's the sort of person you can just sit down with and talk about anything and never get bored. our conversations are always very intense and mentally stimulating. conversations with claire always seem to uncover hidden epiphanies and creative insight.

one of my epiphanies today was just that. one of the reasons i feel like i'm in such a rut is because i don't spend enough time with mentally stimulating people. i feel like my creativity and inspiration have run dry, and it's been that way for a while. i need to have more insightful discussions like the ones we had today in order to spark my creativity back up and in order to continue mental growth.

that's definitely one of the reasons i'm still friends with brett. brett has two sides to him, being a gemini and all. one side of him is a superficial, frat boy, party animal, womanizer, asshole, BMOC. that's the side most people see. but a few of the lucky ones get to see the other side of him, the creative, insightful, philosophical side. he's an incredibly deep thinker and like claire, having conversations with him really makes you think outside the box. that is definitely the main reason why i still talk to him after all the crap he's put me through. we are like-minded and the like-minded must stick together.

although i don't get to spend a lot of time with any of them, i seem to attract these types. i have a handful of friends and acquaintances that when we do spend time together, we usually end up getting into deep philosophical conversations. afterwards, i always feel refreshed and reinspired. i always feel ready to take on a new project or finish one i've already started.

what i need to do is to make a point of spending more time with these kinds of people while i still have the chance.

sorry this one's a little shorter. that's all i really have to report. goodnight, world.

that's not my name

obviously, my name isn't really virgil winthrop sanderson.

i don't know exactly what my purpose is here on this blog. i guess just to write stuff that's on my mind or something. things that interest me, perhaps. i'm not gonna have a theme or something. no weekly repeat posts. nothing special. just me.

here i go.

lately i've been having some really fucking weird dreams. like, straight up bizarre. they've been incredibly nonsensical and vivid, and i'm remembering them more often than usual. this is supposed to mean that i'm stressed in the real life, but i think it's my subconscious telling me that i am insane.

last night, i had two dreams. i'll start with the one i can't explain, and then end with the one the internet explained for me.

so in this dream, i was with andrew and who i believe to have been his cousin aldo. i have never met aldo, and this person really wasn't identified, but he had a crazy beard, and i've seen pictures. anyway, the three of us were in this supposed-aldo's apartment in wherever, getting ready to go to the beach. i was on the computer having a video chat with the dude from twilight. why? i don't know. i've never seen twilight and i don't plan to. but we were just chatting like we were good ol' pals. before we were about to leave, i said "i don't normally do this, but could we exchange numbers?" so he reached through the computer screen to write his phone number on my hand, and i did the same in return. he had a 609 area code. i remember during all of this that andrew and aldo were being very impatient.
then the three of us left, and got in the elevator. when we got to the bottom, i realized i had forgotten my shoes, so we went back upstairs to get them. on the way we passed some homies and said hello.
i had my shoes, and we went to this... this place. it was supposed to be the beach, but it was this like lake thing, and you had to walk across a narrow wooden bridge to get to the dock, but the bridge wasn't rickety and it was enclosed around the sides and top. very weird.
that's all i remember in detail... the rest is all just inexplicable images but i see a house and someone going up the stairs. i don't know what that is or means.

okay, second dream.

in this dream, i had a very small baby. i wasn't pregnant or anything, but this baby just like appeared in my arms, sort of like in the sims, and it just registered in my brain that this was my baby. i called andrew, and i said "uh, hey, i apparently just had a baby. i didn't know i was pregnant, i wasn't like fat or anything and still got my period, but i have a baby now." and he was weirded out. and the baby wouldn't stop pooping. it didn't cry, it didn't scream, it wasn't hungry. it just pooped. and that's all i remember.

my internet sources have informed me that babies in dreams signify something about yourself that is pure, innocent, vulnerable, and possibly helpless. the fact that the baby was small also symbolizes that i fear others will become aware of my vulerablility and incompetence. in addition, the fact that i actually had the baby in my dream symbolizes the birth of new ideas, new beginnings, or anticipation of an upcoming event.
the poop in the dream supposedly symbolizes my negative feelings toward certain aspects of myself, athough i had to use the term "feces" in my search. "poop" yielded no results.

these interperetations actually make sense to me. i have been feeling rather vulnerable and helpless lately, since i've been having recent financial and familial difficulties. and even though i have expressed my feelings about these things, it hurts a lot worse than i let on because i don't want to bother everyone with my problems. also, i have a lot of exciting things in my future ahead of me.

the poop interperetation also makes mountains of sense. i've been having some body image issues. i recently lost ten pounds, and i needed to. but it's weird... when i was a little chubby, everything seemed more proportionate. i was comfortable with how i looked. i knew i could stand to lose a few, but nothing really bothered me about how i looked. now that i've lost some weight, the areas that didn't seem to lose enough stick out like a sore thumb. i'm like, "yeah, i'm ten pounds lighter, but IT'S NOT PERFECT. THIS PART RIGHT HERE LOOKS LIKE SHIT." it's just so odd how quickly my perception changed. seriously, the other day i considered getting wasted so i could throw up everything i ate that day and not consider myself bulemic. i really don't feel like developing an eating disorder.

i think that's all for this evening. i do have a lot more going on, but i don't feel like writing a novel right now.

i bid thee adeiu until next time.